Bigger Hair, Smaller Body
I Post For My Ideal Self.
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[Rant] When My Body Image Suddenly Becomes A Factor To The Person I Care About…
really sent me over the edge!
I like to say and think that I am a very patient person. I have a high tolerance for the most part, and as far as being talked about due to looks usually never gets to me. When you endure childhood, being an adult with adults telling you what you’ve been hearing since you were a child is nothing new, aside from swear words/slang being implemented.
Yes, I’ve always been a ‘Big Girl’. I’ve been the same size relatively since Middle School - also the same height (5’8). My lowest weight was about 180 - 200lbs.My highest is 280(-/+5)lbs (OUCH) (at a size 22). I usually wear a size 18 - 20. That’s my median at 240lbs - 255lbs (also where I stand right now). Guys I’ve dated or who’ve been attracted to me never mention anything about my weight, being as you can’t miss it. Either you like me and ‘IT’ or you don’t and keep it moving.(Please don’t go into the SIZE thing with my LBS, my body has more Muscle than fat and also turns some fat into muscle and it is what it is okay lol)
Even at 240lbs - 255lbs, I personally feel as though I look a lot fitter than I am:
This is me currently. It’s just a picture, not to show off any curves or anything but just a “this is an overview of my body”.
And I use to date a guy back when I was 17yrs old that loved it. We’ve been off and on for 5 years. He’s 6’2 and has been between 180lbs - 220lbs over the years. He’s fit, and use to not mention anything at all about my body. He’s attracted to more so bigger girls. His brother though is the opposite, he likes the stick thin, size 0-2chicks which is fine, everyone has their preferences but because of this he would ridicule me behind my back to my Ex and tell him how “He could do so much better.” It use to not get to him, and he’d ignore it.
But apparently recently within the last year or so his brother’s advice has been getting to him. He says he loves me and doesn’t care. I remember when I was trying to lose weight and he’d order food for me and ‘feed’ me, pretty much sabotaging me, lol.
Though within the last week, since we haven’t spoken in months he got in touch with me and we’ve been messaging back and forth. Then he says to me “I’ve been working out more and I feel that by the time I can rep 200lbs bench press you should be a size 12, can you do that for me?”Do that FOR YOU? Wait! I thought that you did not care about my weight/appearance to you. I remember when you use to tell me that my fat was fine, you didn’t care that my stomach was plump or my thighs touched, and that you loved it.
I EXPLODED! …And I exploded even more because lately I’ve been getting hit on by guys are are literally half my size, guys who are between 150lbs - 165lbs, skinny as I don’t know what have been hitting on me HEAVY! Getting phrases like “Oh girl I can handle ALL OF THAT” being thrown at me. My friend I’ve known since Grade School just told me how he’s had a crush on me since then and he’s 5’10 and 150lbs! Yet this guy who I had grown to love and care about, even with our hard ups and downs told me to pretty much lose weight so ‘HE CAN STOP HEARING CRAP FROM HIS BROTHER AND FRIENDS ABOUT ME.’ Just threw me overboard.
IF THE FACT THAT YOUR BROTHER AND HIS FRIENDS AND WHOEVER ELSE YOU TALK TO, AND SEE ME, HAVE THAT MUCH OPINION OVER MATTERS OF YOUR HEART AND INFLUENCES THEN YOU CAN GO
FUCKYOURSELF!You say you ‘can do better” but actually ME, MYSELF can do A LOT BETTER.
Then you come back around and say how insensitive it was for you to say that and to try to make it up to me… No. No.Yes, I would like to be back down to a size 12, but it won’t be because of your terms!
[/Rant]
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I had to reblog that (my previous post). Saw it on my other tumblr and right away hopped over on this one to reblog it. I miss this Tumblr I need to get back to Updating it.
Here’s a Brief update about me:
I’m still at a Standstill. I haven’t lost nor gain since last losing. Though my appetite has decreased. I’ll buy let’s say a Combo meal and only eat the fries with some drink and I’m full. I have to wait hours later to eat the rest. I’m not sure where that came from but it’s weird lol, I suppose I can’t complain too much because it’s for my benefit.
I will go on a rant though about something that happened a couple of days ago about a guy who says he loves me… yes it is Weight Related.
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Being thin. Probably not a subject that you ever expected to read about on this website, but my recent trip to London got me thinking…
It started in the car on the way to Leavesden film studios. I whiled away part of the journey reading a magazine that featured several glossy photographs of a very young woman who is either seriously ill or suffering from an eating disorder (which is, of course, the same thing); anyway, there is no other explanation for the shape of her body. She can talk about eating absolutely loads, being terribly busy and having the world’s fastest metabolism until her tongue drops off (hooray! Another couple of ounces gone!), but her concave stomach, protruding ribs and stick-like arms tell a different story. This girl needs help, but, the world being what it is, they’re sticking her on magazine covers instead. All this passed through my mind as I read the interview, then I threw the horrible thing aside.
But blow me down if the subject of girls and thinness didn’t crop up shortly after I got out of the car. I was talking to one of the actors and, somehow or other, we got onto the subject of a girl he knows (not any of the Potter actresses – somebody from his life beyond the films) who had been dubbed ‘fat’ by certain charming classmates. (Could they possibly be jealous that she knows the boy in question? Surely not!)
‘But,’ said the actor, in honest perplexity, ‘she is really not fat.’
‘“Fat” is usually the first insult a girl throws at another girl when she wants to hurt her,’ I said; I could remember it happening when I was at school, and witnessing it among the teenagers I used to teach. Nevertheless, I could see that to him, a well-adjusted male, it was utterly bizarre behaviour, like yelling ‘thicko!’ at Stephen Hawking.
His bemusement at this everyday feature of female existence reminded me how strange and sick the ‘fat’ insult is. I mean, is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? Not to me; but then, you might retort, what do I know about the pressure to be skinny? I’m not in the business of being judged on my looks, what with being a writer and earning my living by using my brain…
I went to the British Book Awards that evening. After the award ceremony I bumped into a woman I hadn’t seen for nearly three years. The first thing she said to me? ‘You’ve lost a lot of weight since the last time I saw you!’
‘Well,’ I said, slightly nonplussed, ‘the last time you saw me I’d just had a baby.’
What I felt like saying was, ‘I’ve produced my third child and my sixth novel since I last saw you. Aren’t either of those things more important, more interesting, than my size?’ But no – my waist looked smaller! Forget the kid and the book: finally, something to celebrate!
So the issue of size and women was (ha, ha) weighing on my mind as I flew home to Edinburgh the next day. Once up in the air, I opened a newspaper and my eyes fell, immediately, on an article about the pop star Pink.
Her latest single, ‘Stupid Girls’, is the antidote-anthem for everything I had been thinking about women and thinness. ‘Stupid Girls’ satirises the talking toothpicks held up to girls as role models: those celebrities whose greatest achievement is un-chipped nail polish, whose only aspiration seems to be getting photographed in a different outfit nine times a day, whose only function in the world appears to be supporting the trade in overpriced handbags and rat-sized dogs.
Maybe all this seems funny, or trivial, but it’s really not. It’s about what girls want to be, what they’re told they should be, and how they feel about who they are. I’ve got two daughters who will have to make their way in this skinny-obsessed world, and it worries me, because I don’t want them to be empty-headed, self-obsessed, emaciated clones; I’d rather they were independent, interesting, idealistic, kind, opinionated, original, funny – a thousand things, before ‘thin’. And frankly, I’d rather they didn’t give a gust of stinking chihuahua flatulence whether the woman standing next to them has fleshier knees than they do. Let my girls be Hermiones, rather than Pansy Parkinsons. Let them never be Stupid Girls. Rant over.
J. K. Rowling (via diabetic-damsel)
i think about this all the time concerning my daughter….
we dont have regular television but the influence will be felt i am sure once she goes to school regularly.
(via soulflower70)
I tell my daughter that she is beautiful every day and she loved reading the Harry Potter series. I am setting this aside for her. Though she never hears it from me, even at 10 years old she is subconscious of her body image and faces ridicule from “friends” over wearing tank tops because of the pinch of skin in her armpits. It all makes me ill.
(via jmcndic)
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Laura Wells for Elomi
36E bust, 32 inch waist, 42 inch hips
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I want this set.
Oh, and she has a nice bod.
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Just ordered this, Turbo Jam (wanted Turbo Fire, maybe next time, not feeling the 80 bucks), 200ct Centrum, Wheat Germ Oil 100ct, Green Tea Fat Burner Pills 200ct, White Tea, Vitamin-C 250ct
Oh yeah. I’m all ready to take on this Weight loss HEAD ON!
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(Source: pinupenigma)
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Dear Tumblr
I am eating Skittles.
140calories of sugar, but do I care? No, because it’s 140cals I’ll end up burning before work.
Health, Motivation, Beauty, Self Esteem, Tips and Tricks. I'm On A Weight Loss Journey. I'd Love If You'd Accompany Me Along It :). The Pages Tab has my Weight Goals and Current Measurements in case anyone was wondering.
